ADHD in Yeshiva

By: Yehuda Grunhut

Rebyehuda.g@gmail.com

Understanding Our Bochurim with ADHD

I would like to give some examples of the difficulties ADHD creates in yeshiva that I come across. This is just a small feel for what these boys face. Please note that almost all bochorim experience some of these challenges some of the time. The boy with ADHD is grappling with most of these, all the time.

[The main challenges of ADHD are concentration/attention deficits, time blindness (loses track of time easily and there is only now, future and past are a long way off,) a limited working memory (the part of your brain that holds the information you need to think about right now), and attention systems that respond strongly to what naturally interests them rather than what they know is important (what we call 'wired for interest vs. importance'). emotional dysregulation (they feel things more intensely, and don’t know how to deal), on-demand memory recall deficits,(their brains tend to freeze when they try to remember.) As you read, notice how these limitations affect them every day.]

The Emotional Toll of Struggling in Yeshiva

 We are taught from day one the primacy and importance of limud hatorah and davening. It is the central part of who we are. In the yeshiva velt, if a bochur feels like he isn’t making it, he can feel incredibly guilty. He thinks he is bad and should be trying harder. On top of that, a bochur is often learning full-time until age 28+. That is a long time to feel deflated and resigned to failure.

Learning Struggles

 When he learns he can find it impossibly hard to focus. His chavrusos get frustrated, they drop him often. He is constantly trying to find a new chavrusa. Between chavrusas, he finds it nearly impossible to learn on his own.

When he learns, the moment his chavrusa starts talking, his mind is off like a rocket. When he comes back down, it is hard to reorient himself. He often needs to go back and start over. Inevitably, even when things are going well, if a thought pops into his head he needs to spit it out on the spot, often derailing their whole seder. He often jumps out of his seat to run and tell someone something “important,” “it’ll take just a second.” Fifteen minutes later, he comes back to an irate chavrusa, and he’s not sure why. “I was just a minute, gosh, chill out!”

He finds himself barking up the wrong tree all the time. Focusing in on nekudos that have nothing to do with the sugya. He goes down a rabbit hole trying to figure it out. He can’t understand why everyone brushes his major problem off. He doesn’t know how to back off and come back to it later, either.

Sometimes he is the guy running around the room with his hands in every shitta, he is on fire. He jumps from one chavrusa-shoft to another, screaming in learning. He seems to be holding in everything. Sometimes he is. Many other times he knows bits and pieces, thinks he’s got it, and can’t wait to run and hondle. He just doesn’t know it as well as he thinks he does. There is little clarity, and he burns out quickly.

The Difficulty Remembering

He has a very difficult time piecing together all the parts of the gemara and their meforshim, constantly feeling like he is groping through a fog. He easily forgets what he learned. He can learn a piece very well, come back after a break, and it is gone, almost like he never learnt it.

The next day, he often feels like he is starting over again. It is confusing, since they have excellent memories. He is the one who can remember random things that happened when he was two years old. He can connect random sugyas and remember things no one else does. He also forgets a lot. On-demand recall is difficult. Not always, but often.

This is one of the strange things about ADHD that throws off both the bochor and those around him. The symptoms are situational. Often they are challenging, sometimes they are not. Last week’s sugya he remembered fine, this week he can’t remember a thing he learned a day ago, or less.

He may dread people asking him about what he is learning. He can’t just instantly recall what he is in the middle of learning. It can even take a minute to remember which masechta he is in the middle of.

He usually walks around with no recollection of what he learned in the past, lending him the illusion that he has not really learned much in his life.

When he looks back at a zman or a masechta he usually can’t remember much of what he learned. This can give him a deep feeling that his learning is pointless and he is hopeless.

If he makes a siyum, often, if you ask him how he is feeling, he’ll respond with a dismissive comment that it wasn’t an accomplishment. Everyone else seems to think it was, but he won’t. “I didn’t really learn it” “I didn’t learn it with tosfos” “I don’t remember any of it, this is a fake siyum,” etc.

This is a common theme with these boys. They do not recognize, appreciate, or remember their accomplishments unless there is a deep sense of satisfaction that comes with it. When they don’t feel good about what they have done, there isn’t much room for motivation to continue.

Shiur Difficulties

Shiurim, gosh, a disaster. He can’t follow a word. The rebbi is speaking, but the words don’t form understandable sentences. He can get so restless at times. He wishes he can just run around the room or do some jumping jacks. He feels the need to fidget and squirm, often disturbing the other fellows in shiur. Sometimes it starts out ok, and then a bit into shiur he daydreams for a minute and he’s lost. If he is in a yeshiva that revolves around shiur these things can be crippling.

Processing and Comprehension Struggles

 When he talks in learning, he can easily get confused. His mind stops processing what the other fellow is saying. He can be trying hard to focus and he hears every word, but the words don’t seem to mean anything. He is too embarrassed to admit it so he just pretends he is getting it. He throws around all the right jargon but has no idea what he is saying.

He knows he needs to chazer at night, but he is tired and not in the mood. He finds it impossible to push himself. Though strangely enough, as soon as he gets back home, he is wide awake and can’t get to bed before 3 am. Then he can’t wake up.

Morning Woes

 He misses Shacharis too often. He wakes up, realizes he’s late, and knows he needs to hustle, but an invisible force that he can’t explain keeps him stuck in bed. His mind screams at him to move, but his body just won’t respond. He knows he will lose his chavrusa or get in trouble. His body just can’t respond, and there seems to be nothing he can do about it.

If he manages to get up, it can take ages to get dressed. He puts on one sock, gets distracted by something or the other, and totally forgets he was in the middle of getting dressed.

 He is constantly coming late to things. Even when he is on time, he gets distracted and has to race to catch up. Feelings of incompetence and failure seem to be his destiny.

Davening Frustrations

Back to davening, his tefillos are often inadequate to his expectations. Zman krias shema isn’t on his horizon. Pesukei dezimra is on his bucket list of things to do. Tefilla is meaningless on most days. It is just something to get through. Kavanna is for other people. Chazaras hashatz is gehennom. They think Davening is basically pointless. (Again, not everyone. Some ADDers are amazing oivdim, davening with hyper-focused kavanna and love it)

Besides that, he finds it very hard to concentrate, and even when he is focused, he messes up. He is often the fellow banging his chest during Shabbos shemoneh esrei (then rubbing it as if he has heartburn.)

Sometimes he finishes Shemoneh Esrei and has no idea which one he did… Shabbos or weekday? If there is an add-on like yaale veyavo or al hanissim or changes like mashiv haruach or hamelech hakadosh, no matter how much he tries to remember to say them, he forgets to.

 Sometimes he will be a few words away from the thing he is reminding himself about, but by the time he gets there, he has spaced out and has forgotten to say it. There are times he needs to repeat Shemoneh Esrei three times in a row before he gets it right!

Oh, and don’t forget about when he spaces back in during davening and has absolutely no idea where he is up to!

All of this creates feelings of deep guilt.

Often these boys burn out completely from davening, not having any interest in pushing themselves to do an exercise in (what they perceive as) futility.

The Ups and Downs

All of this is even more confusing because at the beginning of the zman, he was learning amazingly. He was on the ball, getting the shiurim, learning the whole day. He was a rockstar. Everything made sense. He was able to holt kup all the way to the end of the sugya. And then bam, two weeks in, he runs out of gas. There goes the rest of the zman, or so it seems.

When he has a chabura to prepare, or a speech, he can learn for hours. If he hits a sugya that interests him, he is all over it, often knowing it better than anyone else in yeshiva. He knows he is really smart, but he can feel so dumb.

There are times he can daven like a gadol hador. Like if he has something important to daven for, or on yamim noraim. He wonders why he can’t do that all the time. “I see I can do it.” He may have had a rebbi or chavrusa in the past that he learnt well with, and can’t work out why he can’t do that again.

The guilt he feels is exacerbated by important people in his life constantly pointing out how well he can do when he wants to… Boy, does he want to, but he can’t for the life of him figure out how.

These are some of the struggles a boy may face in Yeshiva. This is a good boy who keeps trying. They are accused of just being lazy and told to try harder. They eat themselves up daily.

 How many boys give up after years of trying and feeling misunderstood? Even when they stick it out and stay in yeshiva, the pain and disappointment they feel are overwhelming.

Moving Towards Solutions

These challenges can be managed. These boys can thrive. ADHD is getting a lot of headlines these days. That’s great. Hopefully rabbeim and parents will learn to be more understanding and encouraging.

The boys themselves could use guidance or coaching. For many of these bochurim, meds make a real difference. It won’t solve everything, but it helps enough that the success spills over into other areas. Why should a bachor have to suffer, feeling completely incompetent, when he could fix some of this easily? The meds only help the focus part, though. It doesn’t fix everything. He still has a poor working memory and is time blind. He still won’t go to sleep on time. He won’t suddenly be organized. This is where CBT or coaching can really help.

Understanding How They Learn

The moment they learn how they are uniquely wired, they already feel empowered. As they figure out the ways that work for them, they build up confidence and thrive. They see a future. They can become something. They can shteig. Get them a book or a talk/podcast that explains ADHD. It can open their eyes to who they are in a big way. There are many ways to help a bachor (or yungerman, or any Jewish man) thrive and feel amazing about themselves.

Some Practical Strategies

Allow me to share some things that can help. There is no one eitzah. Every boy is different. The following points can help a lot of them, though.

1.      Clarity and Scaffolding for the Sugya

If a bachor has a basic idea of where a sugya is going, what the main point is, what this rishon says, and what he is saying vs the other rishon, he can be a different talmid. Sometimes, all it takes is a few words to explain each one.

An ADDer learning with focus and working memory challenges is juggling a lot of incoming data. He can't keep it all straight. He is in a fog. He keeps forgetting the thing you said two things ago. As soon as he is reminded of the other point, he forgets the one you just said. And he has no idea where to put anything. Everyone else seems to just know, but not him.

A great analogy is that it’s like trying to put together a 30000-piece puzzle without the picture on the box. It’s not impossible, but it takes a lot of determination, which most people don’t have. Oh, and if you are not sure if all the pieces are here or maybe it's two puzzles mixed together, how long would you last, if you even start?!

When a bachor with ADHD learns, he can feel so lost so quickly. He doesn’t just know what he is supposed to take out of what he is learning. He is having a hard time focusing as it is, the meds make it a bit easier, but not enough.

He can’t hold too much info, and he has no idea what he is holding it for. The shakla vetarya, the Rishonim, are a blur of ideas and words. (And btw, these boys are usually experts at throwing all the right words and ideas at you and pretending to be totally on top of the sugya, which is another reason why so many ADDers are missed in the system.)

There are simple and powerful solutions that can transform their learning. First and foremost is teaching them the importance of knowing the shakla vetarya very well. They are usually impatient to get off the page and onto more interesting things. The foundation needs to be laid well for a structure to stand.  Going through the Gemara once is not nearly enough. This is a skill that needs to be built.

 The problem is that once they have gone through the Gemara, they think they know it. Going through it again is boring. ADDers HATE boring. It’s painful! Part of learning how to go over the material again is learning how to keep it interesting. Not just doing the same thing again. Some ideas that can help are writing or mapping out the shakla vetarya or just the main points, and/or speaking it out in their own words before they go on. They can challenge themselves to be able to repeat back clearly and concisely any gemara they learn.

As was said earlier, they constantly get sidetracked from what they are learning. One way this often happens is that a question occurs to them as they are learning for the first time. They immediately have a burning desire to answer it now. They can’t imagine going on before it is resolved. This often takes them down a rabbit hole that, in turn, branches out into other rabbit holes. They often don’t get back to the original thing they were learning. Even if they go back to it they may not really understand the gemara, rishon, or achron they were in the middle of. They took too many detours.

So one important skill that is imperative for the ADHD bochor to learn is the art of sticking to the piece they are learning till the end. If there is a great kushya and it may be great! Let him jot it down so that he can remember to get back to it, but go on! Don’t get sidetracked.

Please note that this is very, very hard for them. There is a strong drive to find the answer right away. Although often, if not most of the time, they are jumping the gun, and it resolves itself as they read on. The skill of holding off the question until they finish needs to be taught. They rarely figure this out on their own.

This is not referring to where they can’t understand what they are learning at all. There, they should be encouraged to ask and not wait too long. This is the crash point for many sedarim. They get stuck trying to figure it out for a bit too long and lose the momentum. They start spacing out or get too restless, and there goes the rest of seder. If they do get the general idea but… than they must know to learn the shtickle they started to the end, make sure you understand what you are supposed to get from it. Then explore the kushyos.   

 Another thing to do. Give them the picture of the puzzle. A way to do that is help them have a map of the sugya.   Check that they are getting the main points of the shakla vetarya. That they know what they are dealing with. And then give them a bottom line of each rishon and achron. No, don’t spoonfeed them the whole thing, we just want them to have a scaffold to climb the sugya.

This idea can be adjusted for boys on all levels. We want them to have a clear path ahead. When what he is learning looks like a fog ahead, the boy is either forcing himself through it, or giving up before he gets too far. Many of these boys are not picking up the fine points or even the main point. Even when they do get it, they often can't hold it long enough to compare it to a different pshat in the sugya. 

If he knows the basic point of the Ritva, Rashba, Reb Baruch Ber, and Reb Shimon, he knows what he is looking for. He understands what the point is that he is getting to. This not only guides him but charges him up with the all elusive interest he needs. Now he can motivate himself to figure it out and retain it. He may get excited to explore the idea and see what is said. When he gets confused, the boy now has something to fall back on. He knows the bottom line.

What we are looking to do in Yeshiva is teach a boy how to learn. We want him to gain the skills that he needs to learn on his own. Some boys never pick it up. Even when they learn well, they don’t get the skills. Getting his brain activated with the bottom line, plus allowing him to avoid getting lost, will allow him to get to the point and understand what he was doing. As he actually walks away with more concrete concepts, he will start to pick up what it is he is generally supposed to look for. We want him to get to a place where he can learn independently. Believe it or not, if these boys are not taught how to find the point, they can go through their whole life without realizing that they never got it.

If a rebbi/ maishiv/ chavrusa senses that a boy is ADHD and struggling, he can try this. Call him over and have a list of the shittos he needs to know. Best to have the boy write it himself. Outline the sugya. In as few words as possible, but make sure he gets what he is writing or reading. Watch what happens.

Another idea, along these lines, is to go ask him a kushya or tell the boy a ha’arah on the sugya. This can also help him get interested and motivated to learn the inyan.

 Now, when he is in shiur, he may not get completely lost when he inevitably spaces out. Watch how much more enthusiasm he will have as he navigates the sea of shittos. Watch him actually hondel a sugya. He can do that because you gave him a handle to hondel. It can be magical.

2.      Reorienting, Recapping, and Proper Processing

Another point is to get bachorim with ADHD to learn their limitations. If they space out, they may need to reorient themselves for a moment or two. When they space out, they clear out their working memory. They need to get it back up in front of their brain to continue. They must learn to be ok saying, “hold up, I am getting lost, let me just go over this again for a sec.” If you are talking to him one-on-one and see his eyes glazing over, stop and check in, have him recap, he needs to process.

When they sit down to learn after a break and for sure for the first time that seder, they need to do a quick recap on the relevant gemara, rashi, tosfos, etc. In most sugyos, they should not just jump straight to the Birchas Shmuel; they will feel lost and scrambled. If they are in the middle of a shtikle and don’t need the gemara per se, he should just do a recap on what he learned so far in that shtikle.  They need to refresh their memory. It can take a few moments. The clarity it provides is immeasurable. (This is good for everyone to do, but for a bachor with ADHD, it’s imperative.)

They need to make sure they are processing what they are learning. Everyone uses different things to process. Some by talking it out, some by writing, some by chazering, some by pacing and talking to themselves, etc, etc. The bachor must realize that he must know what he is learning. If he can’t summarize what he just learnt in a few words, he didn’t get it. It may have ‘clicked’, he may think he has it, but he doesn’t. The kushya, the teretz, tosfos’ kasha his raayah his teretz, each point needs to be understood well enough to verbalize in a sentence. So often, these boys impatiently jump ahead without really understanding. This makes the struggle infinitely harder.

3.      Learn the Language

Another common struggle is with language. Some boys don’t just “pick it up.” While they may learn to make a leining and read from a sefer, they often guess from the context rather than truly reading the words. They guess, filling in gaps based on familiarity. Many are bright enough to do this well, making their struggle hard to notice. However, their brains don’t naturally pick up on small details, like male and female forms or past, present, and future tenses. Some frequently misunderstand, while others get by—until they don’t. Guesswork leads to confusion and frustration.

The solution? They need to be taught the rules of Lashon Kodesh—dikduk. These boys can become strong learners, but they won’t absorb language skills on their own. Some boys just need to be taught. When you show them, they know it.

For those struggling, I highly recommend The Guide to Lashon Kodesh. It’s well designed for the ADHD brain, breaking things down into small, manageable steps that anyone can do on their own.

4.      Notice their Progress

Boys with ADHD are very hard on themselves, more than average. They also, as we said, often don’t notice their accomplishments. They are usually very sensitive to both rejection and recognition. You can help profoundly by noticing and pointing out things you see them do well. Try not to overdo it, or they will dismiss it as empty praise. Just see and comment.

For example:

“I noticed you davened well today.”

“I saw you were very involved in the sugya.”

“I see you have a klorkeit here.”

“I noticed you have been trying”

“Your chavrusa told me you have been learning better this week”

I’ll finish by saying that the best thing we can do for these bachorim is to help them believe in themselves and show them what they are capable of. Not by telling them to try harder but by showing them how to try smarter. They want to do well. More than you can imagine. But they don’t know how to.

Love them, believe in them, be there for them, and we’ll have a future of boys who now have a chance of becoming who they dream to be.